My favorite joke about The Wizard of Oz goes like this: At the end of the movie, the Wicked Witch of the West — how does she die? She melts when Dorothy hits her with a bucket of water. Where does Dorothy find the bucket of water? It’s sitting in the corner of a room […]
Ever heard the urban legend about the girl that was killed at Disneyland, crushed between two moving walls on the America Sings attraction? Sadly, it’s not a legend. It really happened. There have been several folks that have died at Disneyland, and I almost joined them in ignominy. My story of near-legend status involves an aptly named […]
Quick! What’s the most frightening two-word sentence you can think of? “Behind you!†“I’m pregnant.†“Please hold.†Those are all very troubling, but incorrect. No, the most frightening two-word sentence is: “Watch this.†This isn’t actually a How Is Frank Not Dead story. Instead, this is a How Did Frank Not Make Someone Else Dead […]
I’ve been in three riots. Three  honest-to-goodness, capital “R” riots. Didn’t start them. Didn’t participate in them. Didn’t seek them out, like I’m some kind of war correspondent (“Have civil unrest? Will travel!”). It’s just that when I get into a sufficiently large crowd of people, there’s a higher-than-normal chance of someone shouting, “Kill the […]
I killed a mountain lion. I killed a mountain lion with a Volkswagen. Let me back up. I love Seattle. It’s a torrid romance that started around 1992. This is the year when Butt-Head, of “Beavis and†fame, said, “If you go to Seattle … anybody you see … is cool. We should go dude.†[…]